My Insecurities

I don't know what it is, perhaps my insecurities. Okay, yes...it is my insecurities! It drives me crazy and I wish I wasn't like this but I am.

My husband and I have separate email accounts. We know each others passwords too. It's no secret. He sometimes checks my email. I personally think "Big deal. I have nothing to hide." It honestly doesn't bother me. He knows that I have checked his too. We usually check each others if we are waiting for an email from some place that we are expecting an email from and depending on who's email it is going to.

So last night, my husband was watching his sports in the family room and I was watching a movie in the bedroom. I stopped at one point to go check my email in the computer room. Apparently my husband had been in there last checking his email cause he was still logged in. I thought I would just browse his email briefly and I came across one that read in the subject line something to the effect of "Italian hostess". I open it and this is what I saw. He had received this just over a week ago from his cousin. He always sends him crap like this. I just have a hard time with this so I went out to the family room and said:

Me: "Nice dear. Nice email you got."

Husband: "What one are you talking about?"

(Now come on!! Don't play dumb here buddy!)

Me: "You know exactly which one I'm talking about."

Husband: What about it?

Me: You always show me when you get emails like this.

Husband: I didn't think anything of it.

(Yeah right! You know exactly how I am.)

Me: Can I delete it?

Husband: I don't care. It's not like I'm hiding anything.

So you know I had to delete it. Deleted it from the trash too. I know I'm probably just making myself more miserable or just looking into it way to much.

Mind you, I've always been insecure and he knows this. He's know this the whole 16 yrs we've been together. While we've been together I had gained 40 lbs but I just lost it all. I thought that I was going to be better about my insecurities once I lost the weight. I guess I just feel threatened, I don't know. Maybe for the fact that he didn't get rid of the email makes me feel like he wanted it there for his viewing pleasure, I have no idea. I just know it makes me feel like crap and that I'm not good enough sometimes. I also feel he watches certain things to get a rise out of me but it just causes more stress than anything. It's just that society has it where women need to look a certain way and if we don't, we're not excepted. We may look that certain way on the outside but some of us sure don't feel it on the inside and it's just driving me crazy!

Word of the Day!

nescience

NESH-uhn(t)s; NESH-ee-uhn(t)s,

noun: Lack of knowledge or awareness; ignorance.

~~~

Wow, what a word..lol! I can elaborate on this with a whole lot of scenarios but I think I'll just leave it along. I don't want to make this a downer post.

Instead, I will leave you with this awesome story about a dog in Australia that survived 4 months on it's own after going overboard it's owner's boat. Being an animal lover, this is such a heartwarming story!

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/30088069?GT1=43001

Which one's the mother, which one's the daughter?

It sure has been a little while since I posted. I really haven't had much to say, to be honest. At least not on this blog of mine. So I thought that this would be a perfect time to post something. It's part of Mama Kat's weekly assignments. I normally do these on my regular blog but I've got a post planned on that one already. Can't leave this one too unattended, right?!

So anyways, here's this weeks prompts:
1.) Why did you do it?
2.) What is a common misconception about you?
3.) Describe a moment when you felt afraid.
4.) In what ways are you turning into your mother?
5.) Are you always right?

Truthfully, I could do all 5 of these but I will spare you the long blog post. I love reading people's blogs but when I see that they are really long, I tend to click off of them and save for later. Sometimes (most of the time) I forget about them. Since this would create a reeeeaaally long one, I'll choose just one....#4.

I need to first start this off my saying, my mom is NOT my mother. I have never called my mom "mother" and never will. I feel the label is just that...a cold, wretched woman. So, the ways I feel I'm turning into my MOM are these:

My mom is my friend and someone I love to hang out with. The fact that I am a mom and my daughter absolutely loves to hang out with me, go to the store, church, snuggle makes me feel like I am creating that loving bond with her as I have with my mom.

The fact that my mom is truly a goofball. I have on more than one occasion been called this. Okay, lets be honest here....when I die they will probably put "goofball" somewhere on my tombstone.

Oh, and if you want to include looks, well then let that be another one. I have been told so many times that my mom and I look so much alike except for the fact of the age difference. She's still pretty young too, considering my age and all. She is only 21 years older than me. I'm actually proud to say my mom is still in her 50's. Don't ask me why but I am. Call me weird. :0P

Oh yeah, we have a huge heart when it comes to animals. We just love them so much!! They are innocent creatures and they get treated terribly by some. We even cringe and turn the channel on TV when there is an animal who is hurt or about to get hurt. In fact, if I ever win the lottery (I guess I should play to make this happen), I would donate a huge percentage to a number of animal foundations.

I'm sure there are more things but I can't think of any at the moment. Plus, I'm at work and I should really quit goofying off. ;o)